


what he wants

by smudgythoughts



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Castiel & Sam Winchester Friendship, Castiel POV, Coda, Episode Tag, Gen, M/M, Miscommunication, castiel sees himself as a tool, is the real big bad, just a short thing I had to get out
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-27
Updated: 2018-04-27
Packaged: 2019-04-28 10:16:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 772
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14447151
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/smudgythoughts/pseuds/smudgythoughts
Summary: Cas smiles back at Sam, and for a second he believes that Sam is happy he's there for his presence alone, but then he remembers Sam thought he was going to find Gabriel, to get Mary and Jack back. The Winchesters only care about him for what he can do for them. He needs to stop forgetting that.A coda to 13x19.





	what he wants

Castiel walks into the Bunker with a heavy heart, dragging his feet against the ground. It's a very human-like gesture, but that train of thought doesn't bother him like it used too.

As he's making his way down the stairs, he hears the sound of heavy footsteps, and Sam comes out of the library, holding a towering stack of books.

"Oh hey, Cas. Glad you're back," Sam says, giving him a small smile. "I would hug you but ah," he lifts his book-laden arms, shrugging.

"I understand." Cas smiles back at Sam, and for a second he believes that Sam is happy he's there for his presence alone, but then he remembers Sam thought he was going to find Gabriel, to get Mary and Jack back. The Winchesters only care about him for what he can do for them. He needs to stop forgetting that.

Cas feels awful for letting Sam down, _again_. The words stick in his throat like peanut butter. "I'm sorry, but I wasn't able to track down Gabriel. The angels' force was... smaller than I anticipated."

"That's alright," Sam says, to comfort him. "We found Rowena, and she's agreed to help us, so hopefully she turns up something."

"Oh. Good," Castiel says, not quite sure what to do with himself now. Now would be the time he would give a flutter of his wings and return to Heaven, but now it's less of his home than the Bunker is. "I suppose I should be going, anyway, to try and track down Gabriel, as he could be—"

"No, wait, Cas. You just got here," Sam interrupts. "Dean's in the kitchen, by the way. Convincing Rowena to help us didn't exactly go as planned, so he could use someone by him right now."

Castiel gives Sam a curt nod. He can't put into words how grateful is his that they still need him. There's a shortness to Sam's words, though, that give him pause, especially with how Sam won't look him in the eye. "Are you sure _you're_ okay, after facing Rowena?"

"Yes," Sam says quickly. Too quickly.

Castiel knows it's a lie. He also knows Sam well enough to know that he doesn't want to talk about it now, and decides to give Sam some space. "Well I'm here if you ever need anything," he says, then walks away to find Dean.

Sam's "thanks, Cas" makes him smile.

//

Dean's sitting at the kitchen table. There's a newspaper out in front of him, and he's mouthing along the words as he reads. There's also two beers bottles within reach—one already empty. Castiel isn't surprised.

Dean looks up as he approaches, eyes lighting up as he grins at Cas. It makes something flutter in his chest. When he's with Dean, it's harder to remember he's just a tool, because Dean makes him feel so wanted.

"Hey there, buddy," Dean says. Right. He only has platonic feelings toward Cas. Castiel should have gotten used to it by now, but sometimes it still stings unexpectedly.

Then, unlike Sam, Dean gets up and gives Cas a tight hug, arms around his shoulders. Cas sinks into it, eyes fluttering closed and arms loosening. "Thanks for not getting dead." He says it more seriously than Cas thinks the situation warrants. Whenever Cas brings up his death, and asks how Dean was during that time, he tells Cas to drop the subject. Cas still doesn't understand why.

"It's the least I could do," Castiel says.

Dean laughs, then pulls back, his hand still lingering on Cas' shoulder. Cas doesn't mind. He stares at Cas for a long moment, just smiling and licking his lips, then says, "Hey, can I get you a beer?"

"Alcohol still doesn't impact me" is Castiel's immediate answer. He suddenly thinks of the angel guarding the gates of Heaven, and how he has lost all will to life, all hope and love. He's what Cas could've been, without the Winchesters. "At least, not much."

"Yeah, but I thought we could just, I don't know, sit and talk and catch up and stuff. And it's rude of me to be drinking and not you," Dean says.

Looking into his eyes, Cas realizes that he needs this. Needs to provide, to make sure Cas is cared for. He's touched, in a way, though Dean is trying in a completely different way than he needs, or wants.

When Cas doesn't immediately respond, Dean's eyebrows furrow. "Or I could get you water, if you want."

Cas beams at him. "I would like that very much, thank you." Maybe Dean is _starting_ to understand what he wants.


End file.
